Seamus Finnegan and the Improbable Leprechauns
by Aries Zodiac
Summary: Harry's been kidnapped by the HouseElves, Seamus is shouting at his cornflakes, Blaise is having an identity crisis and Kerry hasn't won the all Ireland since 1891. Oh, and Leprechauns have invaded the castle. Can Seamus save the day?


**Seamus Finnegan and the Improbable Leprechauns.**

"_Because sometimes it just happens"_

**AZ**

* * *

When Harry Potter woke up to see a leprechaun sitting on the end of his bed he knew the day would probably only get worse.

He was right.

The leprechaun babbled something confusing at him (though it seemed to contain the word 'begorrah' at intervals) before tapping the side of it's nose in a conspiratorial fashion and vanishing. Harry rubbed his eyes disbelievingly before deciding that it wasn't really any stranger then some of the other things that had happened in this place and decided to snatch another five minutes kip before the alarm. But before he could, the Leprechaun reappeared, looking rather annoyed.

"Begorrah!" it added and disappeared again. At this point Harry decided that he really was still asleep and thus wouldn't be able to escape this nonsense by his original plan.

* * *

It was nearing the end of the school year and so far, everything had been suspiciously quiet. No attacks by strangely dressed people with superiority complexes, no effeminate men with long blond hair attacking small gremliny-type creatures, no nothing. In fact, it was just…quiet.

He swung his legs out of the bed and went through the morning task of waking up. His brain was, as usual, last to engage. Which was perhaps why he didn't react too quickly when a number of small brownish creatures invaded the room which he, Ron, Seamus and Dean Thomas shared. They looked like some freaky cross between Gollum, gremlins, and Yoda and babbled like Jar Jar Binks on a bad trip. They were led by Dobby.

The Small.

And Annoying.

"Harry Potter!" it squeeped. "You is in danger! Hogwarts is not safe any more! We are going to bring you somewhere safe, Harry Potter!"

"Wha..?"

At this point the other boys were leaning out, vaguely interested. But, alas, they too were not morning people, and had poor reaction times. So when four of the House Elves pounced on Harry and vanished with him, two of them just weren't fast enough to do anything and the other (stand up Dean!) thought it was a dream and didn't bother.

"…is going on here?" asked The Boy Who Was Kidnapped While Asking Stupid Questions, showing his great intellect with one easy sentence.

"Hogwarts has been invaded!" squeaked Dobby, quivering with excitement. "It wasn't safe for Harry Potter there!"

His brain woke up and processed the last sentence.

"Oh…By what?" he asked

"Leprechauns!"

* * *

Seamus wasn't dealing well with the invasion. It was waaaay too early in the morning, he had double Potions first thing and LEPRECHAUNS of all creatures, had found out he was from Cork and promptly adopted him. He found this out in the Great Hall, where he was sitting for breakfast. Most of the teachers were missing- probably due to Harry's mysterious disappearance and there was a certain low-grade panic around the room.

Then a three foot high man appeared in his cornflakes.

"Ah…damn an' blast it ta Perdition!" muttered the little…creature, hopping out of the bowl with an irritated sigh and brushing away at the milk. Seamus goggled at it before glancing around quickly. No-one seemed to have noticed the sudden interruption.

"Gah? Nih?" he tried through a mouthful of cornflakes. The little man looked up.

"And who might you be, that you can see me, boyo?" it asked, one tiny bushy eyebrow raised.

"Gurk!" He managed to swallow as Neville, across from him glanced up in confusion. Seamus was turning a bizarre shade of purple. Seamus noticed the look and turned an even stranger shade, shaking his head at the younger boy. Neville shrugged, used to Seamus' ways and went back to his toast.

"Well, Gurk." said the leprechaun. "Not exactly a traditional name- I blame the Celtic Tiger meself. But we work with what we can. And what part of the Isle might you be a-hailing from?"

"Cork…" replied Seamus weakly. The leprechaun sniffed.

"Figures I'd get a Cork lad called Gurk. I'm from the Kingdom _(Note for sensible people and foreigners; "The Kingdom" is Kerry. They always were a bit behind the times…about a thousand years behind the times;)_ meself, as are most of me kin." Seamus snorted. The leprechaun looked cross.

"Tis a great Muggle sporting county, me lad, so I don't want ta hear no rubbish from ye!"

"Oh, in Gaelic football, sure- but what about hurling?" The leprechaun looked mutinous.

"Hurlin…hurling's for…it's…"

"You can't diss it, can ya?" said Seamus smugly.

"If it weren't for ye Cork cheaters, we'd be ahead, no problem, Gurk!"

"Ye haven't won the all- Ireland since 1891! **_London_** has had better years since then! And my name's not Gurk!" hissed Seamus. They fell to arguing the various merits of the players as surrounding Gryffindors edged away from the fuming Irish lad.

"Soo…Parvati." Lavender started when a roar broke from the now-isolated Seamus.

**_"CONOR MCCARTHY IS THE GREATEST HURLER THE SOUTH HAS EVER SEEN!"_**

All conversation fell silent as the entire Great Hall stood up to see a lone Gryffindor shouting at his cornflakes.

"_Mr. Finnigan!_ See me after breakfast!" Seamus looked up for the first time as nervous giggles broke out around him. Professor McGonagall was glaring down at him. He grinned nervously. Oy…that had done it. He muttered something apologetic and shrank down in his seat, scowling at the sniggering leprechaun.

"Well, he is…" he muttered again.

* * *

It was almost a full class later and Seamus 'Gurk' Finnegan was convinced the world had finally flooped the hoop, lost it's marbles, fallen off the sane-train, was eleven short of a dozen and so on. Or else he was.

The invisible leprechaun sitting on his shoulder was not helping.

"I tell ya Gurk, this place could do with shakin' up!" he whispered evilly at one point.

"I think it's doin' grand on it's own! Oh no!" as he spotted one small being biting through the cable holding a large skeleton of a leviathan up. It was poised directly over Neville.

"Hoya, cap'n" shouted the leprechaun when the fossil was down to one strand holding it in the air. "Where dya wan' dis wun?" It had a Dublin twang to it's voice.

"Watch out!" yelled Seamus as the last string snapped.

"Ah- straight down, t'wudd appear!" The devious green man caught the skeleton about two inches above Neville's head. Neville, predictably enough, fainted.

"Well spotted, Mr. Finnegan." managed Professor Snape when he'd levitated the leviathan to one side of the classroom. His face twisted as it became apparent that even the magic of the leprechauns had trouble getting Professor Snape to give points to the Lion's House. "Five points to Gryffindor."

It was this last that had really convinced Seamus that the world was no longer operating normally.

Unfortunately, he had no chance of convincing anyone else.

* * *

"Look- why can't you see them?" he practically begged his cousin, Morag MacDougal in the Muggle Studies classroom. The professor didn't notice. Or care. She'd probably died of Random Plot Device anyway. And why the hell was he the only Irish student in this place? Scottish was the closest he could get.

She shrugged.

"They're not my national creature." Morag told him gently enough. "You're stuck with this one on your own. But no-one will believe you- it's part of their glamour."

"Please help me!" he tried abject begging. Might work. She eyed him with pity.

"Oh, alright. We'll go to the Library- maybe there'll be something there."

The two students left the room, skipping the next several classes, run by Professors that no-one listened to or even really knew about.

"Mr…er Finnegan?" called the professor to their retreating backs.

"Sorry…er…Professor Angle? Professor Dumbledore is looking for Morag!" Wasn't like she'd talk to Dumbledore anyway. Waste of paper as no one cared anyhow.

"Vector!" hummed Morag as they fled. Seamus shrugged.

"Whatever."

* * *

_Why? What gets into me? (Psst…) Oh right. The leprechaun on my shoulder would like to be introduced as Darby O'Gill and claims part-ownership in this fic. Happy?_

_Thank-you, Darby._

_No offence to people of Kerry, Cork, Dublin (who else may have I offended?) Oh, yes, and London, whose last hurling All-Ireland win was in 1903. Especially Kerry, it is a beautiful place. Really._

_Darby would like to make known that everybody in the entire world who isn't from Kerry are…_

_Lemons, Darby? Why lemons?_

_…fine, fine, lemons, it is then!_

_Hey! I'm not from Kerry! I'm from Waterford!_

_Waterford people are not carrots, thank-you very much!_

_Shut-up Darby.

* * *

_

Thanks for listening.

AZ

_Please R&R. I've got a couple f ideas for further chapters. Blaise Zabini is going to make an appearance._


End file.
